Hi, Toni Collier here! So grateful that you’re on this journey with us as we dive into relationships. We wanted to create content that was honest, vulnerable and really wise. So, instead of writing a blog on marriage (being in my second marriage for only 3 years) we reached out to our friends who are marriage and leadership experts that are doing incredible things in the world and in their own personal marriages and families. They’re incredible, truly. Check it out, the top 6 things that couples should know about marriage from leaders and experts around the world.
“I’m big on atmospheres and creating safe places in marriages. I believe we as wives play a big role in creating that safe place for our husband and children to thrive and feel loved.
“Wives, always remember that your words carry an exceptional amount of weight. Choose wisely”
“ Eyes of gratitude lead to eyes of forgiveness lead to eyes of tenderness lead to eyes that grow in affection. Fight for romantic, playful, adventurous love —but not with big feelings and not with a sense of duty —both will fail you, but with gratitude for how Christ loved you first. I’ve learned to reset everyday for the last 21 years of marriage, remembering that because of Christ, sinners like us can say “I do,” and know tender oneness in spite of ourselves. To see with eyes of gratitude changes everything.”
“In our first 3 years of marriage, I wish I wouldn’t have considered date days a special occasion to be had a couple of times a year. I wish I didn’t have to hit a breaking point in our marriage to realize that “date your spouse” wasn’t advice that I was simply supposed to give everyone else; I needed it.
Because my marriage with Michael had always been so easy—we had spark, chemistry, the works—I didn’t think it needed intentionality. I realize now that the mentality I had was rooted in pride.
After a hard winter last year, my husband and I made a decision to have regular date days every Tuesday, without excuse. When we started going on weekly dates, it felt like I could breathe again. I finally understood that intentional time together was the lifeblood of our relationship. I thought to myself, “How did we ever make it this far without dates?!”
Ever since, we’ve been having regular date days and our marriage has been thriving! Experiencing the total transformation within our marriage since then, the ONE thing I want you to fight for in your marriage is for intentional time together.
Block off time that’s sacred for just the two of you every. single. week. Put it in the schedule. Be strict in the time but spontaneous with the place. Look one another face to face and have real, meaningful conversation. Prove to one another, “YOU matter!”
...And if you’re ever on the fence, just remember that dates are cheaper than therapy!”
“It’s so important to care about knowing who your spouse is so that you can work together in life. This could mean learning their enneagram, personality type or communication style. Once I figured out communication styles with my husband it changed the way I dealt with situations and made my words more impactful.”
Tai McNeely of His and Her Money
“Never underestimate your value of what you bring to the marriage in seasons of transition. Ex. I worked outside of the home and made very good money for the first few years of our marriage. We decided it was best for me to come home to be with our children after our second child was born. I never underestimated my value during this season based on my lack of contributions outside of the home.”
“Fight to be open when it’s the last thing your flesh wants you to do. Ask questions to your husband rather than assuming he’s in the wrong. Develop that trust every day by practicing the rhythm of being open and honest about your thoughts, dreams, and feelings.”
Toni is a host, communicator and consultant from Houston, arc. And, in this digital age of anxiety, she is teaching people all over the country that you can be young and a boss, and you can be broken and worthy. She doesn’t want you to just face your demons, she wants you to quash the illusion of your brokenness so you can live the most colorful life possible.Connect with Toni to learn more.